people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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