I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
