Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
