Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
