Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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