my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You took a bar mat shot.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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