just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
