Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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