You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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