I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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