Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
