Duck Duck Cougar?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
