i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
