Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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