you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
