i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Randomize
