Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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