All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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