Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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