I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
