I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
