It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
