Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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