first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
