if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize