:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
