Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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