very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I cannot find my penis.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
