The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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