just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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