lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
