he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
