would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
