just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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