i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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