i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
