please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
FUCK WHALES
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