I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Dicks are not precious.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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