I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My vagina is officially offended.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
