On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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