i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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