i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
