Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
She needs sedatives and a leash
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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