She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
