somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
