The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
