hotel room ftw
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
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