he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
i've created a new STD.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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