you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
People in love make me want to vomit
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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