Whod you bang
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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