YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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