KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
