Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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