Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
