So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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