i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
