what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
