Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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