Screwed.edu
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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