Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
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