So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
