soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
